I was encouraged by my brother-in-law to continue to share my heart as we go through this process. Well, today my heart is weary. I am filled with a longing to hold our son. I am frustrated that we still have not been registered in court. I am worried because we have not been able to get an update on Ravi since the beginning of January. We were told by other adoptive families that once we were matched the waiting would get immensely more difficult. They were right. Ravi is a part of our family and yet he is not here. Our children talk about where he will sit at our table and where he will sleep. Micaiah hands me clothes that no longer fit to put away for his baby brother. And they boldly pray for him without fail every evening before bed.
I struggle to comprehend how there is a government body who oversees adoption and puts regulations in place and yet, the court system is not actually required to enforce them. I question God about why it has to take so long. These children need to be in families and it should be a faster process.
But God is gracious and kind to remind me daily through scripture, worship songs and sermons that He is sovereign. His knowledge of our adoption process stretches to a higher level, far beyond what my earthly knowledge can even begin to understand. He loves me, even when I question His timing. He loves Ravi more than I ever will. There is work being done in the waiting.
So in my weariness, anxiousness and frustration I choose to put my trust in God who has gone before us in this adoption and has every step already planned out. He knows my heart and He invites me to lay those emotions and longing at His feet and trust He is who He says He is.
He is faithful.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure.
Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
He is before all things, and by Him all things hold together.
Edited to add:
I finished writing this post this evening, Tuesday March 3rd at about 8:35 pm. While taking a break before spell checking and reviewing for edits, I decided to check my email. An email from our caseworker arrived to my inbox at 8:23 pm. To see an email this late after business hours shocked me. I opened the email to find out that we have been issued a court date! God and His ever perfect timing! More details to come after we touch base with our agency.